Dear American News,

We. Just. Can’t.

You have everyone fighting and taking sides over very limited information. Whatever channel the television is on, or whatever news paper you read wants you to believe that THEY are the ones telling you the unbiased truth. BUT YOU’RE NOT. Not one of you!

You’re always screaming at one another, twisting each other’s words, and can’t seem to allow for other differentiating opinions without calling each other names!

And the problem…. those who listen to you are becoming like you!

Social Media used to be a place to connect with old friends, see pictures of each other’s families, and sending funny videos to one another. You know… the things in life that make us smile.

But now this is a place where we are posting stupid articles to try and support our stances on issues knowing that it will bring out the “amens” from the people that believe like us… and the “oh my’s” followed by hateful remarks and name calling from people who believe something else.

This is because we have allowed your negativity to bleed over into our lives. And it has to stop!

This doesn’t mean that we just ignore the issues our country is facing today. It just means that we face the issues together… with a little more dignity and class. Allowing others to believe something different without fighting them, or trying to negatively label them. We can stand up without lashing out. We can believe without bullying.

We’re better people than this. We’re smarter people than this. And we have to stop allowing you to alter our moods and the way we view each other.

So I think we need to break up!

It’s not us… it’s you. All we ever wanted was cute pictures of our friends kids, the chance to say hello after years, and cat videos. But you’ve given us so much more. More than we can handle.

So we’re moving on! And we sincerely hope you’ll change your ways.

Best wishes,

Level Headed People

As foster parents we get asked all the time if what we’re doing is hard. And the answer to that is a resounding yes. But not in ways we typically think. The focus of that question is all about us, the foster parent, and it shouldn’t be.

Yes its hard…

1. On the kids. By no fault of their own, they are being taken away from everything they’ve ever known. Their parents. Their homes. Their toys. And sometimes even their own siblings. They are placed in the hands of complete strangers and asked to try their best to adjust to this new setting for an undisclosed amount of time. THAT IS HARD.

2. On the Parents. Sometimes we tend to view the bio parents as incapable monsters who are harming their children. And without a doubt… some may be. But not all. Not even most. They’re people who through their own brokenness have neglected to truly care for the needs of their children. They aren’t bad people… they’re broken people. And having their children removed from them has to be a demoralizing moment. Where truth and reality collide. THAT IS HARD.

3. On the Case Workers. Let’s be honest… nobody wants to be the one who has to go in and separate a child from their mother. Yet they meet this challenge head on because they know that it is best for both parties involved. And with the case load they all manage, they’re seeing the best and worst in these people on a daily basis. THAT IS HARD.

You see foster care is hard because we are dealing with broken people. And its easy to lose the humanity of foster care in the bureaucracy of foster care. But we cant. We must see the people. We must see both the brokenness and the beauty of what is taking place. 

I say brokenness and beauty because while people are down and out… there are others who are willing to step in and lend a hand. To help while they rehabilitate. To care for the kids while the parents are restored. And to smile and wave with tears in their eyes as the child is reunified with their parents.

Foster care is hard.

And to go back to the original question that is asked to us all the time… Yes… foster care is hard for the foster family. You see it was brokenness that brought these kids to us, but it was love and hope waiting for them at the door. We say all the time it is our job to love them like they’re our own… but give them back because they’re not! And thats hard!

And yes… We are aware that one of the hardest things we will ever have to do in this life is grieve the loss of a person who is still alive. Yet we are still committed to loving these kids with all of our hearts today… and trusting God with their tomorrow.
Foster care is hard. But we believe in foster care because we believe in the restoration of the broken.

I’ve asked her to write something for us about the message of belonging. I think you’ll really be inspired by her words. 

Once you’re finished reading… go check out her site for more inspiring articles and updates on her journey. 

Here you go:
You are not alone. You belong. And, it gets better.
There I stood, in a sea of gorgeous, flowing blonde haired women, fake leather pants, skinny jeans, and waves of self-loathing. I was at a women’s conference in North Carolina as a leader in my church; and the other women there were breathtakingly gorgeous. I swear they looked like models and spoke like angels in this hyper-cool, hipster church. And there I stood with my black hair, tattoos, and curvy body wearing all-black and wondering why I ever signed up. I did not fit in, and I told myself, I had no place in leadership, in ministry, no credentials, and no hope at ever making a difference. Like so many other girls, I felt not good enough, not young enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not rich enough, and not blonde enough to belong.

 
A little research reveals so much:
• 98% of women feel there is an immense pressure from external sources to look a certain way (National Report on Self Esteem)

• Among high school students, 44% of girls and 15% of guys are attempting to lose weight.

• 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities like cutting, bullying, smoking, drinking, or disordered eating. (DoSomething.org)

• 74% of women say they’re under pressure to please everyone (Girl’s Inc., The Supergirl Dilema)

• Only 11% of girls globally feel comfortable describing themselves as beautiful (Dove)

• More than 40% of boys in middle school and high school regularly exercise with the goal of increasing muscle mass. (DoSomething.org) (Men want to belong, too.)

There is a reason that we feel this need to belong. It’s because we DO belong, but to something much greater than a middle school clique, a high school club, a mom group, or even a group of women’s ministry leaders or pastors. We belong to Him. The King of the Universe, the Maker of all amazing things, the One who placed the planets in the sky and hung each star calls us by name. Out of all the things He created, He calls us His greatest masterpiece. That’s you my friend, and that’s me! With all of our scars, our imperfections, our past, who we were, every mark, every bruise…they are all brush strokes in His painting of grace and forgiveness. 

But He goes beyond forgiveness and gives us His name to carry. He has called us His own. 

Pay close attention to what He says to His sons and daughters:
Isaiah 43: 1-4 MSG (emphasis mine)
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
 I’ve called your name. You’re mine.

When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there   with you.

 When you’re in rough waters, you will not go       down.

When you’re between a rock and a hard place,

 it won’t be a dead end—

Because I am GOD, your personal God,

The Holy of Israel, your Savior.

I paid a huge price for you:

all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!

That’s how much you mean to me!

That’s how much I love you!

I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,

trade the creation just for you.”

See how much better it actually gets! Dear friend, if you are reading this post, know that you are more valuable than any diamond and more priceless than any gem. You are a son or a daughter of the King. You BELONG in His kingdom, set apart for a purpose. We have this longing to belong, because He has marked us with His love and nothing of this earth can fulfill it. Our longing is an eternal one, focused on the fulfillment of our destiny through Jesus. Your destiny is supernatural. Your destiny is marked. You belong.
Father, I pray over each person reading this post that they know they belong. In You we are whole. In You we are complete. I pray that wholeness overcomes our desire to try to be perfect, that our fear of failure pales in comparison to our desire to have a relationship with You. Empower each person reading this today and bring people into our lives who remind us of how awesome we are and remind us of our identity in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. 

To read more from Dawn visit her website and be inspired. 

Click Here

Ruts… we all go through them in life. Nobody enjoys the feeling of being stuck. There are currently over 676,000 google searches revolving around the idea of ruts. How we got there. How to get out. How to avoid them. Etc…

Doing the same old thing, day after day, with no end in sight, seems like the thing that will be the death of us all. When we’re in ruts, we stop dreaming. We lose perspective. It zaps us of our energy and passions. It leaves us unsure of what to do to restore our sense of excitement and joy. 

So we google. And read. And try to do exactly what all the experts tell us. And if most of us are honest… it’s to no avail. It didn’t work. It may have felt like a breath of fresh air for a minute, but we fall right back into the rut again. Right back where we started. 

What if I told you we could learn a lot from just staying in the rut. Accepting the rut. Ready to learn from the rut. 

What if there was life in the rut?

As I was walking along the CoVa Church property line yesterday… I came across a rut made by a huge tractor. We have a lot of construction going on these days, so the ruts are plentiful. I came across a rut filled with rain water and it had tadpoles in it! I was amazed. How in the world could that have happened? 

And I heard a voice inside of me say “What you saw was destruction and big hole in the ground. What I saw was the perfect breeding ground for new life to form!”

In life we go through difficult, stagnant, boring, overwhelming moments. And all we can do is think about getting out of those moments. We try everything we can to avoid the pain and suffering of those moments. But what if we became comfortable with those moments. 

What if the next time you find yourself in a rut… instead of trying to figure out where you went wrong and how to get out, you began to ask yourself… What am I supposed to learn about myself while I am here? How might this time period be beneficial for my future success? What might God be trying to say to me?

Let’s all change our perspective at little. Maybe, just maybe, our ruts in life are the perfect breeding ground for new life to be formed. 

Just a thought. 

Cheers!

MARGIN IS THE SPACE BETWEEN OUR LOADS AND OUR LIMITS. 

Recognizing that space and taking advantage of that space will keep you from certain burnout. Today… I recognize that I’m tired. Really tired. It’s been a very heavy season full of both heartbreaking and exciting things. Yet they are both equally heavy. 

In the past I would usually push through these moments. I’d tell myself I will be fine. In essence… I wouldn’t mind the gap. And I’ve been hit by many trains. 

Not any more. I’ve learned that no matter how strong I thought I was… if I crossed that line, I’m done. 

So today, I’m minding the gap. I’ve hit my limits and it’s time for a quick break. Me and the girls are heading to our absolute favorite place… the lake house. We will sleep, read, play games, talk, and sleep some more. 

Paying attention to yourself and knowing when you’ve hit your limit is key to longevity in life. 

So why about you? Are you minding the gap? Are you paying attention to yourself? Have you come to a place where you’re totally exhausted? What will you do about it?

And look… I know life is tough and we can’t always just throw our hands up and leave or take vacations. But you can find moments in your every day life. Little moments to step away and breath. Those moments will help you get through until you can retreat. 

I hope today you’ll find time to step away and refuel and recharge. 

Mind the gap!

I’ve been working on another project that I can’t say anything about just yet. But this would truly be a dream come true. I’ll be able to say more in a month or so. 

I’ll do my best to post a little more frequent but you’ll understand why soon. 

Love you all!

Cheers!

I used to live for Spring Break! There was nothing in the world like it. Fun on the beach with my friends. Staying out into the early morning hours. Sleeping in some of the most run down motels you could imagine. But we didn’t care! We were young, dumb, and happy.

For 7 days the world stopped and became our playground. We were present in the moment. We didn’t have cell phones, Facebook, or Instagram. We weren’t wondering what others were doing. For 7 days… the only thing that mattered was right here, right now!

Something strange happened along the way… I grew up!

Like most people in society, my mindset shifted from being care free and just having fun to positioning myself for success. I wanted to get ahead in life. I thought that meant putting aside everything fun and relaxing in pursuit for something better. I thought that meant outworking everyone around you. Getting in early and staying late to put in a few more hours than others.

My thoughts… they were correct. I have achieved a lot in my short career. I’ve been to a lot of cool places and seen a lot of amazing things. And with the majority of my life still in my windshield… there is no telling where this journey will lead me.

But over this past week, while on my kids Spring Break, I noticed some things about myself. Some lessons I needed to learn and most importantly… some things I needed to unlearn. Here they are:

The pace I am running is not a sustainable pace.

I have known this for a while but have been afraid to stop. After all, it’s the pace that I have ran that has gotten me so far along on this journey. Or at least that’s what I thought. I burnt the candles at both ends leading me to feel exhausted most of the time. But if I stopped… I would get behind. If I slowed down… Someone else would catch up and pass me. So I pushed through the pain and exhaustion and kept going.

This is not only unwise, it’s unhealthy!

I have been ignoring the inner impulses of my body. It’s been telling me to slow down. I’ve yet to really listen. But the body has a way of forcing you to listen if you won’t stop. So you and I have to make a decision… Either we can make the conscious effort to slow down, or our body will do it for us.

Life is not a race.

I have been running as if there is some sort of prize at the end. And there is… death! The faster you go and the harder you push without proper time to rest and rejuvenate… the sooner you’ll arrive at the end. Yet I have traded the here and now for there and then! “One day” is a time period I’ve been chasing after for years now. The crazy part… it’s illusive! I’ve yet to hold “one day” in my hands. And it’s not for the lack of trying. The harder I try and the more I achieve, just pushes one goal into the next.

It’s a never ending cycle. And it seems as if simultaneously the finish line of my goals and life are both running away from and charging me!

But life is not a race to be won or lost. It’s an experienced to be had. A journey to be enjoyed. A world to be explored. Life is about finding beauty in the small things, hope in troubled times, and a community to walk through both with. Life was meant to be a leisurely stroll… not a marathon. If you go to fast… you’ll miss everything.

Fight the impulse to DO rather than BE.

It’s a potent whisper I hear. It demands of me productivity, achievement, and success. And there is nothing wrong with that voice. There is a time for doing and achieving. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be your best. But in order to have moments of rest and relaxation… we have to learn to fight that voice off!

I admit… I get anxious when I go away. The urge to check my email or return phone calls can be crippling. I like to have my phone next to me at all times. I get defensive when my wife asks me what I’m doing. Those are all symptoms of an over worked, over busy, over connected lifestyle.

During my time away… my wife usually takes my phone and laptop. I always pout like a 5 year old, or try to strike some sort of deal. It never works. She and I both know it’s for my best! But something amazing happens a few days in… I begin to relax. I talk a little slower. Sleep a little longer. My pace slows down. I began to just be! In the moment. In the present. Right here. Right now.

Happiness is right now.

My girls laughing and playing. My wife singing and dancing around the house. The sound of a house full of friends. The warm sunshine on my face. The smell of the salty ocean air. The flowers blooming all around. The prayers at the end of the night.

That is happiness! And that is happening right now. Every day! Right under my nose. Do you hear it? Can you see it? Have you even gotten up from your desk and walked outside to feel it? Chances are… if you’re anything like I’ve been, the answer is no! You think happiness can be obtained through longer hours worked and more money brought in.

You’re missing out on so much!

I don’t want to miss any of these moments ever again.  I want to go back to the days of my Spring Break. Where I didn’t have a care in the world. A time where I just enjoyed being present. Lived in the moment. And experiencing as much as I could!  I want to see the beauty in the small things. Be curious. Explore this world.

I want to slow down! But that’s something only I can do for myself!

Selah.

Now this is a process many of us like to ignore. We don’t like to admit me are wounded people. To admit our weakness leaves us feeling exposed. But the truth is…everyone has been wounded in life. The sooner we admit we’ve been wounded…the sooner the restoration begins to happen. 
And the wounded…you and I…we still belong in the body of Christ! Christ kept his scars to show us that those who have been wounded have a place in his body. How freeing is that?! To know Christ still loves me and accepts me despite my flaws!
But the second part of the process is so much better! 
These wounds we’ve experienced along life’s journey…there’s a purpose in them. The struggles we face in our day to day lives and how we handle them will ultimately point people to Jesus. We go through painful situations for the sake of the gospel. 
Jesus appeared to the disciples right after his resurrection. They were all so frightened that they had locked themselves in a room for fear of being executed themselves. Jesus walks in the room and the very first thing he does…shows them his scars. As if to say…Yes, I went through all the pain and suffering. I have the marks to prove it. But I did it for you! 
The Apostle Paul also gave account of all the times he was beaten, abandoned, and thrown in prison. But he tells us in 2 Timothy this the did it all for the gospel. He went through the struggles so people could find hope in Jesus. 
When we begin to see that there is purpose behind our pain and that God is going to use our hardest moments in life to encourage others they can make it…we can manage tough moments a little bit better!
Life will be hard. We will get wounded. God wants to heal our wounds, turn them into scars, and use our scars to provide encouragement to others. Allow yourself to go through that process! Find the purpose in your pain!
Again…what an incredible Easter weekend. I love you CoVa! Let’s get out there and change the world!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Doctor. Lawyer. Singer. Dancer. Veterinarian. Movie Star. Police Officer. Fire Fighter. President. Batman. 

The possibilities are limitless when we dare to dream. And the beauty in that moment… Nobody tells us we can’t. Nobody laughs at our dream. I literally thought Daniel would grow up to be Batman… Because that’s what he said he wanted to be. In that moment… We believed what we were saying and so did others. 

But something happens as we grow older. We stop dreaming. And I think that may be the most devistating part of our lives. 

Somewhere along the way we realize that our grades may not be good enough to get us into Medical Or Law School. So the dream ends. Or… We took a test to get into the Police Academy and we didn’t pass… So it’s over. We had a bad audition that caused us to stop trying to make it big on Broadway. And the worst of all… We find out Batman is not real! What?!?!

What happens at this point in our lives is awful… We settle! We settle for something we know we can become rather than continuing to pursue of dreams. 

Simply put… We play it safe. We play it safe because our dreams seem to far off. There is no chance of becoming who we always dreamed of being. 

I love taking binoculars to the beach and trying to find dolphins playing of fish jumping. I’m sure you do as well. But have you ever looked through the wrong end of a pair of binoculars? Everything seems much further away than they really are. You can’t really see what it was you were looking for. It’s in the distance. 

But… If you use them the way they were designed to be used… Everything seems closer than they really are. All seems within reach. Like you could reach out and grab it. 

When we were kids… We were looking at our dreams through the correct end of the binoculars. The likelihood of us becoming what we wanted to be seemed real. It was within our reach… We just needed to go get it. 

But as we grew older… We turned those binoculars around and saw our dreams fading in the distance. Getting further and further away until there was nothing left. 

That’s not the life we were designed to live! The safe life is a life without adventures. It’s a life with no risk. Safe is the place our dreams go to die. Safe is so… Safe. 

It’s time for you to turn your binoculars around again. Dream again. Set your sights on  what and who you want to be. Keep that in clear focus in front of you. Do everything in your power to move towards that dream. 

Sure you may fail. It’s part of the journey. It’s how you learn. But failure doesn’t mean the dream is over. You must continue to press on. 

So I’ll ask you the question we were all asked as kids…

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Be honest here… Don’t answer safe. Now whatever that answer is… GO FOR IT!

It’s much closer than you think!

I’ve been back in Virginia Beach for one week now. I love it here. It’s home. It’s where my life is. My friends live here. My kids have been raised here. But I have a confession to make… And I’m sure this will surprise no one.

I miss Jamaica!

Shocking right? I miss the beautiful water and friendly faces. I miss the light breeze that blows all day and drinking from coconuts on the beach. I even miss the craziness of the drivers and the crowded streets.

My time in Jamaica was simply amazing! Something about the island causes you to slow down, take a deep breath, and let go of all the tension you’ve been carrying for so long. “No problem mon” isn’t just a saying to Jamaicans… It’s a lifestyle. Does that mean they don’t have any issues? Of course they do! But as I learned from the locals… they will not let their “situations” drag them down.

“When I’m having a bad day I simply go outside and look around. I see the water. I smell the air. I remind myself that I live on the most beautiful island in the world. I see the beauty of right here, right now. And then I have a smoke and relax!”

These are the words of an older lady who sells souvenirs to tourist everyday. A business that doesn’t bring in a lot of money for her. But she loves it. She isn’t in pursuit of bigger and better. She is content with the life she has. The island life.

I learned more from her in the 3 minutes I spent asking her about life in Jamaica than I could ever tell you. But that one sentence has rang in my ears since the moment it left her lips.

See the beauty of right here, right now!

That’s a foreign concept to me. I’m constantly moving forward. I don’t have time to stop, go outside, and just breathe. And when I do slow down… I get very anxious. I feel as though I should be doing something at all times. That is how you get ahead in life. Right? But in doing so… I miss things. I miss the beauty of life that is right in front of me. I miss the beautiful smiles on the faces of people. I miss the beauty of my city and its landscapes. I can even miss the beauty of my kids growing up right under my nose.

As I pulled away from the island, more relaxed than I’ve been in a really long time, I realized that is what I wanted in life. I wanted to slow down. I wanted to take time everyday to just breathe. I no longer wanted to miss the beauty of the place I called home. And I want to enjoy my time with Tiffany and the girls! But in order to do this, I had to change my way of thinking. I could either have more time or more things. What did I really want?

I choose time!

With the island fading into the distance I determined in my heart that I would never leave Jamaica. Instead… I was taking Jamaica with me. I’m adopting their way of thinking. Life will be full of situations… but there will be no problems. And when things do get difficult… step outside and take a deep breathe. See the beauty that is surrounding you. Right here. Right now. Be present right where you are.

I’ve been back in Virginia Beach for a week now. I’m driving a little slower. Worrying a lot less. Having conversations with complete strangers and hearing their stories. Seeing the beauty of our area that I’ve missed due to rushing. And although our water in Virginia isn’t as clear as Jamaica… It is indeed beautiful. I love the place I’ve called home for 7 years now. The crazy part… I’m just now discovering it!

Get out and see your beauty of right here, right now!