So… Rumor has it that One Direction has a spot open. I know it crushed the hearts of teenage girls everywhere. But there is no reason to fear. I am fully open to becoming the next member of One Direction.
Here are 3 reasons I think it would be considered an injustice to Humanity to not have me join them.
1. My Dance Moves!
They are sick! Some have even called me the “Patrick Swayze” of this generation. I’ve got a “running man” that goes for days. I taught “Dougie” how to “Brandon”… Then he stole it. And you won’t even be able to look my in the Eyes when I’m doing the “Cha Cha Slide.”
2. My Vocal Performance!
Think Josh Groban meets Lil’ Wayne… It’s that intense. I sang at my 4th grade play… And it’s still all my family talks about… And I’m 33! It was that good! Most of the time I get put on the end of the Karaoke List. Sure the crowds are mostly gone by then… But I like to think of it as the rest of the people are just my opening act… Before they bring the main event on full display! It’s that good!
3. I’m British!
Not really… I’m from Alabama! But… I do have an awesome British accent I can do. Some even say it’s a mix between British and Australian. Which is even sexier. And… I’ve watched 3 episodes of Downton Abbey… So that pretty much makes me British.
And with those 3 things combined. I would not only make the group stronger, sexier, and wiser…
But you could count on us selling Millions of records and becoming teenage heart throbs! So what do you say One Direction… Let’s do this!